Brain-washing

Brain-washing... I feel whoever came up with this term (probably someone in Hollywood) was a bit of a douchebag! Simply because what they meant was more like a re-programming, changing one set of ideas to ANOTHER, not just a removal of thoughts / ideas / emotions. I mean, thats what washing does right? It cleans something away, it removes dirt. But in either sense of the word, I could do with some brain washing.

I find myself feeling confused a lot, and then wondering what I feel confused about. I feel confused about what to do. As soon as I pick one thing to do, a dozen other things crop into my head and then I feel completely overwhelmed! Does anyone else have this problem?

You know what's funny? Sometimes, when I'm thinking, I'm wondering about something, questioning something in my head, the answer kind of ends with aaagheeeebleuuuurgh£$£^$%Q"£$%. Yeah, just kind of fuzzy nonsense. Its really unhelpful. Thats when the writing things down comes in to play. You can leave so many sentences unfinished and floating in your mind but when you're writing, firstly you feel obliged to finish the sentence and put a full stop on it like your primary school always told you to and secondly, you can usually find your train of thought again even if you let your mind wander in between.

I'm sad. I'm not entirely sure how to explain this but I'm sad that I'm so weak. I don't mean physically, though that would be true, I mean I'm weak as person, as a character. Where is my strength? Do I not have any? Or do I just knock myself down and drain my own energy. It has been said before that we are each our own worst enemy. Undoubtedly I am my own worst enemy. So to help myself... I need to find my friends? Sigh. Well there's something.