Happy New Year... again!

So..... I'm not sure where to begin. Do I pretend the last blog post never happened? Hehehe. Well, a brief summary of last year. I gained back all of my weight. I'm now pretty much back at the biggest I've ever been. I did a Preparation for Teaching course, Ibn Jabal level 1 - exam to be sat this spring and enrolled on an interpreting course. I also got engaged / married! Yes, nikkah done, registry done, and the final not too big bengali style bash coming up in just over a week. Woo!

I feel quite unprepared. Maybe because a lot of my friends aren't around me. Well they are in spirit :) but we're a growed up bunch now and everyone is busy with work and families. It ain't like the ole days! And with dad being as ill as he is... well even before that, not a lot people visit this house. And as a consequence, over the years, members of my family have had very little experience in hosting! So even if friends did turn up, I don't suppose they'd have the greatest time which is also a good excuse to not show up :p

Still, I think most things are quite settled - venue, food, linen, stage, outfits, accessories, invites. Still need to organise my accessories and run a couple hair n make up trials. Small decisions remain to be made.

Anyhoo, tomorrow is my first interpreting class. It should have been last week but we were out shopping for my mister's sherwani... which we didn't buy in the end. I don't even know if my place on the course is confirmed or not. Hah! I guess I'll find out tomorrow. In the meantime... it is approaching midnight. I should acquaint myself with last week's lesson before I doze off!

The New Year

So I have to mention, I never post in my blog when I think 'oh, perhaps I should update my blog'. Rather, its always a spur of the moment thing, which also means its fairly rare and sporadic. I've been recently thinking that I should keep a little account of the things I do. I don't do much to be fair. Perhaps keeping track of that would encourage me to do more?

Last time I posted, I was focussed on weight issues. I did lose a further 6lbs after that post but the weight loss plan was largely neglected when Ramadan came. I completely under-ate during that month - I mean where was the time??! I didn't do any excercise. I did, in fact, lose weight for the first time ever during fasting but because it was due to starvation, all that happened was that I CRAVED chocolate for the following month and regained it. So I'm about the same now as I was at the end of July. Whilst maintaining my current state isn't be entirely tragic, I could definitely do with a bit more work. 

I'm tired of being weak physically - mentally too! I want to be stronger. That means I have to get some of those muscle thingies and preferably lose a bit more squidge on the way. In terms of weight loss, my new target for this year is to lose another 10lbs at least. I hope to do this by my birthday in May. Its certainly an acheivable target, but needless to say its difficult when I'm at home constantly surrounded by tasty food. Not to mention the fact that I don't have a fixed schedule... it makes it quite hard to fit in excercise because it never seems like the right time. But the right time is always NOW :)

I also want to improve my health in terms of my diet. The above goal of being stronger is near impossible without the right diet. Its time I reversed some on the damage I've caused to myself over the last few years. My skin is still breaking out making my face marked with a multitude of blemishes. It did improve for a while but its suffered again hugely through the last month. My hair... sigh... another source dismay for both myself and my mother. No longer thick, healthy and laying it neat waves; it is now a monstrosity of flyaway frizz. Albeit rather long flyaway frizz. Utterly delightful!

My other goals for this year include brushing up on my languages. I really need to find something tangible to work towards though. Perhaps I could look at sitting an examination for a qualification. Some colleges will allow you to enter for an exam and just pay the examination + invigilation fee. 

I WILL get my damn portfolio together this year. I've been saying this for ages. This year I will put something together. It need not be wonderful, but if I reach the end of this year without one, I will find a suitable form of penance!

Since I'm making this year all about, sort of, neatening out my life and repairing damage, this will also be a year for some serious spring cleaning, getting rid of any unwanted baggage (literally!) and setting real goals for my life. Its about time I started taking my life seriously. Its not that I've previously thought life was a joke, but I got very used to not being in control of my life, of thinking that something unforseeable would spring up and render any plans useless. Its time I started dreaming big dreams, setting great goals, planning for the future and most importantly, working damn hard to see it through!!

My most important resolution of this year is to bring some of plans to fruition (God-willing, of course). May this year be the one where my plans are more than JUST a plan!

Still obsessed... focussed?

Obsessed...

Focussed....

Obsessed....

Oh whatever! I'm still going on about my weight / food a month later. But I think it is somewhat amusing that I am so happy and so proud of my (overweight) weight right now. I have, since my heaviest, lost a total of 13 lbs. That is almost a stone and I find myself thinkin sheeeesh!! How fat was I before?? The answer is... enough to have even kind people comment on it. Well I guess kindness isn't blindness at the end of the day. But ya... 6 kilos in 4 months... NAAT bad!

If I keep going at this rate, I should manage to get to a healthy weight by the end of July and reach my personal target of an ideal weight by the end of September! :) then I can start eating cake again :p

Well don't get me wrong... I've still been eating the odd slice of cake, the odd burger / pie and chips but I've been laying very low on the snacks and excercising pretty much everyday. I actually need to eat more so I have more energy to excercise!! My energy is really low... I don't know whether to blame it on diet, illness or stress. In any case, all 3 of those factors should be improving very shortly so its all good!

Rights... I'm sure there is more going on my life but rather than blog about it... I'm going to go get on with it! Cheerio!!

The thousand calorie breakfast

Yes, I wanted to write about something SO utterly mundane today it would make you cringe!!

But, I am a big fan of my 1000 calorie breakfast though Lord only knows how many calories it actually has. I will calculate now for fun's sake. This is what I like to eat when I've woken up late in the day and its really lunch time but I want to have breakfast!

2 slices of unbuttered toast - 160 calories

2 medium eggs - 130 calories

fried in 1 tbsp olive oil - 40 calories

3 tbsp baked beans in sauce -150 calories

30g cheddar cheese - 130 calories

A cup of coffee - 90 calories

TOTAL = 700 :)

and occasionally a grilled burger - 300

Bringing the total to a potential of 1000. Wow. Now my calculations based on the sources I used to determine the calorie bring me to exactly a thousand calories which freaks me out slightly but oh well - numbers do vary very easily. I must add that its so easy to half the number of calories by taking out the burger, the cheese and the coffee. You'd still be pretty full. I, however, think the coffee is a good idea to avoid drowsiness after such a heavy meal.

Also, have to throw in WATER. Drink a good half litre just with that meal. Whenever you eat foods which are high in protein and fat, you have to drink - or else face dehydration and therefore tiredness / sluggishness. To add some fibre to this meal, go for seeded brown bread (as I often do) instead of nashy white bread. In place of that darned burger, have some darned fruit! Make it uber healthy ;) and the sugar from the fruit will give you a burst of energy that will aid digestion.

With a meal like this, it is also a good idea to do some sweaty exercise later on in the day! Not just to burn off some of the fat you just threw in with the cheese and eggs but also because you might as well put that protein to good use - use it to add some muscle tone when you exercise :)

As I've already mentioned, this 'breakfast' is a combined meal of breakfast and lunch. Whenever I eat this much at lunch time, I obviously don't eat anything else except dinner. A dinner which is very veggie friendly to balance out my daily intake of goodness.

Last of all... a tip for healthy eating versus unhealthy eating... It's all to do with the way you think of food. If all you want from food is good taste, it is likely that that will be the ONLY thing you get from it. Processed foods high in sugar and artificially enhanced flavours are all too readily available complete with 'good value' prices! (CULPRIT - quality save ;))

H

O

W

E

V

E

R

... If you want to give to your body and not just your taste buds, its a good idea to look at a food item and just question: what will I gain from this? Answers will vary from 'protein', 'calcium', a whole load of vitamin and mineral goodness to simply 'added lardiness on my hips'. When you've asked the question and you have the answer, then you can think about whether or not you really want it :)

I don't encourage anyone to transform into a skeleton, which is neither healthy nor attractive, but I will leave you with a quote from a supermodel all the same which I thought was... an 'interesting' way of seeing it

'Nothing tastes as good as thin'

Random Thoughts

Strength is not given or lent... it is built

You can lean on a shoulder. You can give your shoulder to be leaned on. But that does not transfer strength. Strength, both physical and emotional, is built through excercise, through activity, through hard work and through pushing past existing limits. Facing weakness on the way is just a part of the process.

You cannot truly appreciate what you have till it is lost

There are plenty of things we are told to be grateful for: sunshine, health, our limbs, our senses and its hard to do. We know we take them for granted. But some things, I bet we don't even know we're taking them for granted because it doesn't even occur to us that its possible to be without these things... like our personality. Its ours right? It doesn't change... we're stuck with it! Even what we consider our personality is not set in stone. Anyone who has done things we would consider 'out of character' might have an idea of what I mean. Allah can give, and Allah can take. Anything. In times of loss, we sometimes forget that can and does also give!

Sometimes losing your way is the best way to find out which path you really want to take

How do you know you're on the right path if you've never seen the alternative(s)? Sometimes we set out on the path. Alhamdulillah sometimes it is the right path - no worries there. But we need to make sure it is! How many people have a passion for business and study Architecture instead because of other pressures? How many people would love to be a singer and wind up a plumber instead? Choosing less than the most suited career is not a sin... but its also unfulfilling and possibly a waste of talent and passion. Waste is haraam ;)

Does Allah not say that he loves the sinner who repents more than the one who does not sin?

We all know that Allah does not encourage sin, but perhaps we might understand that the lessons we learn can be far greater than the mistakes we make and Allah is there with 'open arms' as it were to take us back each time we stray.

Knowing yourself is the first step to any kind of success... yet knowing yourself requires failure

Life is like one of those never ending video games. You battle through each stage to get to the next level knowing that the next level with bring you greater challenges, harder bosses to defeat! When you fail to reach the next level, you learn something... change tactics, change timing, choose a better angle to attack from or take a more defensive stance! You take comfort in knowing that its just a game. No matter how long you play... well it'll end eventually. And probably too soon.

How is life so different? We all progress at different paces, some of us choose a slightly different game. But even at the most frustrating times, we should all know that this life is temporary and there is something greater awaiting us. Sometimes I think the difference is that we invest too much in this life. We put too much pressure on ourselves to achieve something we make ourselves believe HAS to be done. Sometimes we just need to rearrange our priorities, believe in the impossible (which is ACTUALLY possible and we just refuse to believe!) and let go of what we have no control over.

We never know what our limits are till we take ourselves there! I know how good I am at running thanks to good old schooldays and PE lessons: I suck! I am rubbish. I will never live the dream of becoming any kind of athlete. I would never have thought I had any patience... till I spent time with certain people and realised - patience, like strength, is acquired and we usually have more of it within us than we give Allah credit for giving. I would never have realised what a coward I am if I had not been confronted with certain situations I shall not go into :p but my point is, without being pushed to limits, we can never really know how far we are capable of going. Sometimes we have to step away from a goal sooner than we expected and at other times we find we have the potential to go so much further!

Making a pig's ear

First roll out some 100g of golden marzipan...

Nah... forget that. To make a real pig's ear out of things, you don't have to 'do' something, you have to forget to, or ignore doing, things. Miss out on deadlines, fail to acquire necessary information, fail to complete a piece of work, lose touch with good people... yeah, that'll usually do the trick!!

Everyone knows its easier to stay on top of things than dig yourself out from under a mountain of rubbish. Everyone knows its easier to be on a roll than to pick yourself up after a great fall. We all know how it went with Humpty Dumpty... all the king's horses and all the kings men... uh huh! BAD times.... SAD times...

but did anyone ever tell you what to do to get out of a mess?? Cos sure as hell no one told me. They just told me not to get in to a mess in the first place. Helpful... reeeal helpful. Actually it would have been, if I'd taken the advice ;) but in any case I always thought if I found myself in a bad situation, I would be able to figure out the solution. Cos you know, I'm a good problem solver. I can look at a situation objectively, analyse it, etc. What happens when you lose the one skill you always relied on?

The answer is simple. To find someone else with that skill. But I still have a problem. I often find it difficult to ask for help. Not for everything. Somethings I don't mind asking. But some things seem like... like maybe I'm asking too much. So I hold back.

Not thinking

There was a time when I thought it was simply impossible not to think... Thoughts... they just happen right? Cos the brain doesn't switch off while you're alive. But I guess the brain / mind works on 2 levels. We can dim out the conscious mind while the subconscious still works, we can have our blood pumping, our gut squeezing and all the rest of it while we zone out. The body has a system - work in the day, rest at night. Thats the simplified story. Sometimes our brains go into overdrive while we're sleeping and dreaming and so we wake feeling unrested. Sometimes our brains zone out in the day... and at those times, we do very little.

Like today... where is my focus? I'm all dawdle dawdle, slow motion. I'm thinking by the time I dress for the day, it'll be time to put my jim jams back on.

So like I was saying, not thinking properly in the day - that's not how its meant to work! That goes against the whole body system / cycle. So how does it happen? How does the mind decide that's what its going to do - that it's simply going to block things out? Well I'll tell you what. We go through life to a certain stage being told there are problems and solutions. As child we believe that grown ups will deal with the problems, occasionally we believe they ARE the problem. At some point we're hit with an idea... there are problems! but they're not followed with solutions. We have questions, but we can't find answers.

So we come up with the ultimate solution

We tell ourself there IS no problem. We tell ourselves there's nothing to worry about, nothing to think about. It simply isn't there and hey presto! we've learned to block it out. Step 1 accomplished. I'm not entirely sure what the middle steps are but I do know it gets to a point where you're brain is screaming at you to do something but the shouting is so loud, its just too much... so you turn up the volume on something else (the radio, tv, or just start daydreaming) and you ignore it, you find a distraction.

What you also block out though, is the reason why your own brain is shouting at you. As well as all the negativity, there is also an innate part of us that WANTS to succeed, that wants to do well. If you're ignoring it... well you're just choosing to take the wrong path... you're choosing to go downhill because its easier. There's another problem though. Not everyone realises they're taking the easier path, they think they're taking the ONLY one but its simply not true. You have to break momentum (just stop what you're doing and THINK!!) even if it means falling for a moment. Because it gives you a chance to pick yourself up and look around... see where you are and that there is another way forward. Perhaps its just a matter of turning around (!) and choosing a different direction!!

Anyway, no idea if that will make sense to anyone else, especially my completely unoriginal metaphor, but its just my two cents... me sharing a lesson that life has taught me and in case it isn't obvious, I'm still having trouble taking the lesson on board myself. Its hard to apply even when you understand it and THAT is why I'm sharing this... with no one... and everyone ;)